There are two things in life that I am truly passionate about: Comics, and honey.
Nope.
Nope.
Nope.
Sorry. I just. I need to address some things here.
1 - Why is honey so goddamn special?
No, raw honey does not contain ‘a shitton’ of vitamins. Raw honey is mostly sugar(s). It contains trace vitamins and minerals, sure, but 100g of honey contain, on average, no more than 3% of the necessary daily intake of any one vitamin or mineral. That’s a shitton of honey, and about as many vitamins as you’d get from licking a bee.
2 - It’s got amino acids to help you digest your mac and cheese? Bro, do you know what an amino acid is? Moreover, do you know what digestion is? Are you talking about the fact that digestive enzymes, such as lactose (IF your body knows how to fucking make it) are made of amino acids? If you are, once again. Go and lick a bee. You now have consumed probably the same amount of amino acids as are present in honey. I don’t even.
It does indeed contain antioxidants. In minute amounts. We’re not even gonna get into antioxidants here, because this is about honey.
3 - Also, since you happen to be all about raw honey in particular. Yes, it CAN go bad. Honey naturally contains yeast. It’s also hygroscopic, as it’s a supersaturated liquid. Basically there is so fucking much sugar jammed into the amount of water in honey that it will spontaneously crystalize out. It will also pull water out of the air, because that’s how supersaturated fluids do. When it starts to do that, the moisture content of your honey starts to rise. Which means there’s enough water for the previously-mentioned yeast to begin fermentation. That’s how fuckin’ MEAD works. Which is badass. Properly sealed or pasturized honey is pretty much immortal, though.
Honey IS antibacterial, which is the coolest fucking thing ever, but some kinds are better at it than other kinds. Washing your face with honey is also only really going to be fucking delicious. Not so much clean. Because adding water to honey decreases and/or eliminates it antibacterial properties. Whabam.
As for your hatin’ on pasturization: Bitch about it because it fucks up flavour by accelerating the formation of HMF and decreasing the activity of diastase. That enzyme breaks down fuckin’ STARCH into maltose. You know what starch tastes like? Not honey. Know what maltose tastes like? Yeah. Deliciousness.
What the fuck is up with this idea that honey isn’t pure sugar though.
Fructose
Glucose
Maltose
Sucrose
Melezitose
For the sake of not listing every fucking possible isomeric configuration and trace sugar/polysaccharide, we’ll leave it at that. Those are all fucking sugars bro. Honey is something like 80% sugar, 17-ish% water, and a random mishmash of trace bullshit the rest.
HONEY IS JUST SUGARS. HONEY IS FUCKING DELICIOUS SUGARS. IT IS AWESOME FOR THIS REASON.
I’m not even going to get into the whole Clostridium botulinum thing. That’s common knowledge. Right? RIGHT!??!
